You can't get there from here...

Recycling Day: The Reversal

2011-06-30T01:35:00.003-04:00

I've been wanting to re-post this blog for a little while now. It probably isn't the best in terms of writing, but I enjoy the pictures and the fuzzy memories. So here we go: Eating Through a Vasectomy Reversaloriginally posted August 2009Before all this familial madness I've been documenting here at the ole blog, I had surgery. On my junk.But you knew that already.At this point, I am about

Fatherhood

2011-06-16T22:55:00.006-04:00

Let's just get this straight from the get-go: there is no part of me that is happy about not having my parents in my life. That's right fuckers, let's get emo.Of course this Sunday is Father's Day, a happy day of me doing exactly what I do every day (being awesome with my kids) except I get a card and, if I'm lucky, get to pick dinner. Unfortunately, it also, like Mother's Day, reminds me that

Two Years

2011-05-29T16:56:00.004-04:00

I never distract myself from thinking about Joel, but on certain days I realize how much time I spend distracting myself from, as we've coined it, being fucking sad. I let myself be "focused" at least a couple times here lately. As always, we love you, Joel, and we wish we'd been able to meet you.Now begins Year Three...

Return of the Blog

2011-05-25T09:40:00.000-04:00

My kids are pretty fucking amazing. I mean, I know your kids are pretty cool too, but seriously, my kids? Total rockstars. Now sure, I realize that feeling is probably some kind of genetic response to insure I actually take care of my kids, and that every sane parent feels that way (and certainly even some of the insane ones). This of course is not uncommon knowledge. The fact that parents

Long time no see...but this ain't for you.

2011-05-07T23:56:00.002-04:00

I thought maybe this was classier than posting it on her Facebook page...Happy Mother's Day Honey!

I feel like patchwork.

2011-01-29T17:08:00.005-05:00

Spare parts and duct tape, a machine moving and functioning even though perhaps it should not. Climbing hills that should be impassable by such a broken down bucket of bolts. Occasionally stalling, but generally moving headlong into labors and endeavors.Inside, the joints strain as belts and gears threaten to fly apart causing irreparable damage to this fragile colossus.Image by RoBut deeper

Don't need any wipes...

2011-01-03T15:46:00.003-05:00

Cause I ain't done shit. (Somehow that seemed clever in my head, but if its enough to get me rolling, I'll take it) But really,Ive been abnormally lazy these last few weeks. Jules 3rd birthday and Christmas or Krismas or Yule or Mega-Mega-Present Day (we'e having a bit of an identity crisis) went great, then we all got sick...and were dumped on by old man winter. It was the perfect storm to

Snow Angels

2010-12-22T16:38:00.004-05:00

It's a custom among we dead baby parents to share mementos in honor of one another's children. So my wife went out into our untouched snow and wrote the names of Joel and other children we have come to know of through our DB-family. After posting pics, she noted if any were missing, to please let her know. Her friend, with two living children, asked to have her kids added. We immediately called

This little light of mine

2010-10-14T22:09:00.003-04:00

Shakespeare told us that conscience makes cowards of us all -- fear of what comes after death makes us stay and suffer those oft-mentioned slings and arrows of life.Joel does not know that fear. He has dreamt in the warmth of the womb and moved on to dream the dreams that we can never share. I found this, today, in a notebook I tried to keep all sorts of thoughts in, particularly those occurring

I.B.F.D.

2010-09-26T21:22:00.002-04:00

This is not the post I started with this morning, but comparing apples and oranges must wait for another time. It is International Babylost Father's Day. Sorry, but I do prefer Dead Baby Daddy Day. It is a bit more on the nose, and sounds less like I'm supposed to find Joel alongside my lost set of keys. (although I too am guilty of having said "when we lost Joel")Plus, lets be honest, it sounds

Pride before the Fall / The Sound of Silence

2010-09-11T11:10:00.003-04:00

Bill Maher's "Religulous" points out all the bad that has come of religion: the wars, the abuse, the enslavements, and the crazy extremists of all sides. He points this out as an argument for the dissolution of religion. Get rid of religion, get rid of the problem. I agree that religion has brought about a lot of pain, but I think if we dropped it, the crazies would replace it with something

still kickin

2010-09-06T22:42:00.002-04:00

Sharing some quasi-random thoughts...I am taking a class about teaching writing; in such classes they make you do a lot of writing from all these brainstorming activities that you can then transfer to your own classroom. This is kinda cool, and I've done such things before (which I'd previously looked to post here, but realized I've lost the digital copies in the course of my various computers/

Restless Spirit

2010-08-05T02:14:00.003-04:00

I'll just be honest here: I've spent what I feel like is a whole helluva lot of time helping Jules sleep. He is a restless kid, always has been. In the hospital, just hours into the light and the pollution, his eyes held focus on everything. It was the general comment from all his onlookers: "he's so...aware." Aware. Always noticing things going on, even when all he could do was wake up or

cripes

2010-07-20T01:22:00.002-04:00

It's an interesting phenomenon of my brain that when I am required to write something (read: grad school, lesson plans, etc.) I become greatly in-tune with the great truths of the world. More specifically, the great truths that have absolutely nothing to do with what I am supposed to be doing. As such, I have plenty of bloggy thoughts right now, but I have to be somewhere else, typing for even

blog stats

2010-07-12T11:02:00.001-04:00

...who the hell lives in Tazewell, Va?

Happy Birthday!

2010-07-05T17:55:00.004-04:00

With my birthday coming up, I had been thinking quite a bit about my family. Not just my wife and boys, but my parents and extended family. As usually seems to be the case when I feel bad about things with my family, someone stepped up to make me feel a little better...well, at least justified. This is a facebook exchange I had on my birthday. Some required backstory: "Auntie P", a

ah, dammit! Cut that out!

2010-07-02T16:23:00.002-04:00

No one ever told me that being in the DB club makes you an asshole to your next kid. Every time he is sleeping quietly for more than five minutes, I poke him. "Hey. pssst, hey. You alive?""bluurgle *squeeak* aaahh" "YAY!"(yes, babies sound like tires deflating in mud.)

Ask a DB Dad: Why does God have big, clumsy feet?

2010-06-29T01:22:00.000-04:00

**Note: I've been dancing around getting this written for what seems like an eternity, my apologies to any of you who may have been waiting for it. Sometimes the "grace of God" ain't so graceful...off topic observation: usage of the word ain't to create a playful tone. Is that indirectly mocking those that use ain't in normal speech?which reminds me that I need to re-teach some students that

The Quest: epilogue

2010-06-26T02:04:00.004-04:00

A little something a friend did for us. A bright and lively reminder of our boy.For those of you that haven't been around forever (I'm actually amazed I can say that and be referring to actual people [all two of you]) a big part of this blog has been The Quest. (see sidebar for a bit more info...or, you know, click the friggin link)Chronicling our efforts to get back in the baby-making game both

Happy Father's Day

2010-06-20T13:41:00.003-04:00

I like to think I always took the time to let my father (and my mother) know how much I appreciated all he did for me growing up. He really was a good dad. So now, when I don't call or write, I hope he knows it isn't because I don't appreciate how I wast raised and who raised me, or that I've forgotten all those things. It is just that those things don't buy you a free pass. I try to keep that

I got a bracelet

2010-06-10T23:42:00.003-04:00

She did all the difficult stuff, so I'll just let her tell you. :)Blair Owen Culver

Hungry Geller

2010-05-30T13:53:00.002-04:00

Something very odd happened last May. No, not my son dying in the womb, at a full 40 weeks, although that was a different and devastating occurrence. No, not my family being... um... shitty. While also odd, it wasn't completely unexplained. No, before all these things, I inexplicably lost 20 lbs. One day while I was vainly making faces in the mirror (also not an uncommon event), I noticed

Daddy Moment

2010-05-27T06:48:00.007-04:00

One year ago, yesterday, May 26th, we found out that Joel, our son, would never cry to us for comfort, never stare into our souls with wide, wondering eyes, never squeeze our fingers with his small, searching grasp; our son, still cradled lovingly in my wife's womb, had died. I remember thinking of him as a rambunctious child. He seemed to make it a point to startle his mother with oddly-timed

...and here we are.

2010-05-25T23:57:00.003-04:00

Two minutes until the day I've dreaded for months. A day that is a complete mystery to me. I don't know what I will feel, or how I will react to anything.Not surprisingly, fate has piled up an extra helping of 'every day life' with a career fair at work (at which I will speak on my brief career in radio) and the first meeting of what I had thought was an online class...an hour down the road.So

Smokescreen

2010-05-11T01:45:00.004-04:00

Introspection wears thin and I find myself just wanting to slip further and further into distraction. The one year mark is fast approaching and as of right now I think my plan is to crawl up into this patch of brush in the backyard, into this spot where the branches and the briers form a little cave. I'll just curl up there in the leaves and the dirt and just...be. Maybe, there in my little

Top Five

2010-04-20T10:18:00.000-04:00

Over Spring Break, I built a swingset. Now, if you know my wife, you probably understand that this was not going to be your average, metal swingset that we all grew up on. Now, neither of us have a problem with the metal swingsets. In fact, I have many fond memories of playing on my friends'. I remember it like it was yesterday...Listening to the creaking joints as my friend and I sat face to

Danny Trejo in my pants.

2010-04-16T21:59:00.002-04:00

Danny Trejo (that guy you recognize from movies, but didn't have a name for)April 16th, 2009 was a big day in the history of my testicles. Yes, thats right, we're talking about "the scarred ones" again (see Danny Trejo reference) Now if you are new here (*snicker* okay, I realize that would require a growing readership, but bear with me) you may have to go back and do some backlog reading. [

back in the new blog groove

2010-04-12T23:27:00.004-04:00

*sigh* so I'm finally blog ready again; something finally broke loose of the logjam in my noggin. Now, I know I've been mentioning this religion-ish entry for a bit of a while now (annoyingly so), and I will get to it, it's just that every time I start to piece it together in my head, I realize it needs to stew a bit longer. As for today (or tonight, really...well, at this point tonights) I

Well then...

2010-04-11T11:06:00.003-04:00

So it has been almost another month, so its definitely time for a blog post where I apologize for not keeping my New Year's resolution. Sorry. Over it? good. I'll be getting back on the blog-bike soon enough, you know, life gives me a minute.

month

2010-03-13T09:48:00.003-05:00

Yes, I'm still alive. Wish I could say I've been too busy for a post, but that wouldn't be entirely true (although I could make up the excuse). I suppose, if anything, I've been distracted. While I'd never really say that my mind is 'occupied', it certainly tends to be pre-occupied with what often seem to be unimportant, or at least un-help-able, items. Unfortunately its really not all

Joel's Story

2010-02-16T12:33:00.002-05:00

I started this blog because I wanted to make myself do something productive (if you can call this thing 'productive), other people, however, have done a much better job of contributing to the world since the loss of their child or children. Take, for example, Malory, who created Every Life Has a Story in honor of her daughter Janessa after she passed away. She makes keepsake / memorial videos

snowy thoughts

2010-02-15T11:31:00.001-05:00

Sitting at work (lunch time - my time - union says you can't fuss at me! ha!), watching the snow fall in 5 different directions, sipping the gas station cappuencino..cappaccc..capikachu...toffee-coffee for which I braved the insane snow for, I wonder to myself, "WHY HAVEN'T THEY SENT THESE CHILDREN HOME YET??" I'll keep my fingers crossed. On the upside, the longer I'm here, the more kids

Ask a DB Dad: a question you won't think to ask

2010-02-09T21:41:00.007-05:00

You'll never see it coming. So here is an issue that has bothered me since I first started reaching out to other parents that have suffered a miscarriage or stillbirth: resentment from the paternal family.While it certainly isn't always the case, I was amazed at just how many couples found themselves facing this after losing a child. As my wife would explain, it is something that DB Mom's

zzzZZZZKKzkkzK ZZZzzzzZZZZZ

2010-02-06T09:35:00.006-05:00

I keep attempting to get a blog written, but I'm a bit too busy snoring...and subsequently destroying my wife's sanity. To my understanding, I am one hell of a snorer, and have been for years. When I used to travel with my college Model UN group, I was eventually relegated to bunking with our professor after a trip to New York where my snoring inspired an other-wise polite teammate, who was also

Politics and Economics of having a stillbirth

2010-01-28T18:54:00.006-05:00

Today was a helluva day for a number of reasons. There were approximately 4500 reasons in particular that it was a helluva day. Impressively, that wasn't even the grand total of reasons! Now despite what my voting record may suggest, I am not a full-fledged liberal; I'm certainly no right-winger; perhaps I'm supposed to call myself a libertarian, but I don't organize books (get it? haha?) No,

Ask a DB Dad (or "Dear Weirdo..."

2010-01-23T12:08:00.007-05:00

Allright, I figure it's been long enough since the last post, and since that last one was certainly me grasping at straws (and I realized that the promised zombie talk just ain't gonna work...least not yet), I've been thinking of some worth-while topics. So considering the origins of this here bloggy blog, and the fact that most of the DB parent support/advice I found, while awesomely helpful,

Me time..?

2010-01-08T12:29:00.006-05:00

So my imaginary friends ask me, "Adam, what is it that you do in your spare time?"A question to which I generally respond, in typical parent fashion, "spare time? What's that?" My "spare time" generally consists of short moments where Jules is distracted with Blues Clues, his art easel, or something else. In those quick 2 or 3 minute spurts of "spare time" I'll read a paragraph of something,

completely casual

2010-01-05T20:38:00.004-05:00

damn...I said I'd post more this new year. double-damn: I said I'd try and drop some of the melancholy.ah-ha! I never said anything about not being cynical! *whew* and what a relief that is, because if I'm going to try and get back to occasionally-somewhat-amusing, as opposed to just-plain-blah, then the cynicism is going to hit the roof. A boy's gotta vent somewhere folks, and this is all

Should old acquaintance be forgot...

2009-12-30T12:45:00.004-05:00

pitchfork? check. torch? check.angry mob? should be easy enough. It is time to put the monster to its end, and just a quick look at the news and Internet-at-large shows that I am not alone in that sentiment. Luckily, no one is counting on me and my "readership" to organize this extermination. Nope, theres already quite a group gathering Thursday at midnight to put 2009 down for good.Like any

Two Years

2009-12-17T22:29:00.006-05:00

So this is a bit late, but I've been busy enjoying my little man, and waiting for this fog in my head to clear out. ( I suppose I could give more reasons for not posting, but lets not get into minutia. )TWO YEARS! I look at him and I can't even begin to believe that it has been two years, and at the same time it feels like it has been an absolute eternity. So much has happened in just this

time

2009-11-28T17:16:00.000-05:00

6 months.Happy Birthday, Joel. We love you and miss you.

Thanks alot...

2009-11-26T10:26:00.002-05:00

I've talked in that past about how I find myself living in some strange, alternate reality. A place where everything is very, very familiar, yet absolutely nothing is the same. A shadow of the world I once knew; the world I grew up in. I am not thankful that I have to live here...but I am thankful that in all this shadow, the bright spots are much more vibrant. With so much going wrong, and

Ooops, I forgot... updated

2009-11-23T09:32:00.006-05:00

What seems like a long, long time ago, I gave you permission to get a snack as you read through what I suppose amounts to my manifesto.The details of that post, and all the private conversations and exchanges it refers to, have been a great source of my pain, sadness and anger over the past few months (although obviously not the greatest). In the times that I cannot help myself but to think

Angry letters (in mass) work

2009-11-15T12:38:00.004-05:00

An update. The following day (Friday) after my wife's call for angry letters, she received a phone call from the hospital in question. This...guy, whom my wife had previously left messages for over the past couple months, and sent a letter to (all of which was ignored), with a lawyer present, finally explained why they could charge for the autopsy, and said that they would overnight a proper

really?....no, REALLY??

2009-11-12T19:21:00.003-05:00

I haven't posted much lately because....well, life I suppose. But that doesn't mean things haven't been happening. As always, I bow to my wife's superior blogging for you to go and get the full scoop on this particular facet of our son's death. I know I said a long time ago that Joel's story is not over, but I didn't think it would be quite like this. I will always sing the praises of the

Never simple...

2009-11-02T18:23:00.003-05:00

First, the good news: Picadilly, our 3rd child, is doing well. Measuring a little under what we'd thought, but looking good. So HOORAY for that, because after a week of cramping and spotting, well, we feared the worst.Now, the "It's never simple, Charlie Brown" (or "AAAAARRRGH!") news:The doctor dumped my wife. Why? Because, if we are to take things at face value, we're skeptical. So lets

Bumps in the night

2009-11-01T11:58:00.002-05:00

5 Months. A lot can happen in 5 months. I would know. I mean, a lot has happened in the last 5 months. We certainly tried to keep ourselves occupied at first, just to keep moving through the days. If anything, we've been spending a lot of times focusing on things we can control; taking back our lives, I suppose. Working on our home, visiting friends, spending time with family, going back

FINALLY!

2009-10-20T21:46:00.005-04:00

I've been wanting to post something, ANYTHING, for a while now, but honestly I just haven't had the heart for it. I'm excited about Picadilly (the name we've given our new fetus until further naming occurs [ Jules was the Wookie and Joel was Princess Steamboat...yeah, we were way off on that last one]) but I'd be a complete liar if I acted like that most excellent of news didn't rip the scab

Odd timing (The Quest part 8)

2009-10-11T22:12:00.005-04:00

So this upcoming week, October 15th to be exact, is the Awareness week/day/month for our "club": for all of us who have lost an infant, be it a stillbirth, miscarriage, or any other infant death. If you didn't click on the link above, go ahead and do it now, or plan to later. My wife put together quite the statement/blog about it. I had actually planned to just re-post it over here, but as

Unposted

2009-10-09T10:46:00.002-04:00

When "real" writers (ie: the ones who get paid to do it) give advice, it almost always comes down to this: write, and write often; just do it; or (my favorite) don't get it right, get it written. It doesn't necessarily matter what it is you're writing either, just that you are practicing with the written word. It's just simple practice, like lifting weights in order to go out and...uh...open

He's not breathing

2009-10-04T23:15:00.004-04:00

I heard the thump and turned in my seat as my wife stood up, "honey..." I dove onto my knees at my son's side as his little body lay there shaking, his eyes distant.I looked to the baseboard next to where his head lay for signs that he had hit it. I felt his head for a bump, for blood, for something; all the while talking to him and trying to keep my voice calm for him, and just trying to get

Glow in the woods

2009-10-01T22:00:00.003-04:00

I've only recently found this multi-authored blog, but I already enjoy it quite a bit. Clearly a more well-written approach than my 'online ramblings'. I particularly enjoyed the post I am linking to. While I'm not Jewish, it's still pretty relevant. I like to think this is what I was going for here (although gal does a much better job)Glow in the WoodsEnjoy.

The Quest : scientific interlude

2009-09-24T12:43:00.004-04:00

I'd teased a tale of scientific exploration; a tale of a 50$ microscope from Toys 'R Us, a petri dish, a dropper, and me trying to go blind and grow hair on my palms.Well, my last post, "negative" kinda summed up how that went. We'd read a bit about other couples who in their attempts to conceive had opted to do their own at-home semen analysis. Sure, it ain't completely scientific, but the

negative

2009-09-22T15:58:00.003-04:00

6 weeks out from my vasectomy reversal, I cashed in one of my left over semen-analysis from my vasectomy.When they called me to say it was negative (no sperm), my first feeling (and I say feeling instead of thought, because I wouldn't truly think this, but nonetheless it is how I felt) was, " I can't bring him back."I know that isn't what we are trying to do. I was the one to first say that we

unfinished

2009-09-21T16:21:00.002-04:00

Every 10-12 days is a bad record for blog updating, isn't it? Well, it isn't for lack of trying, and it certainly isn't due to a lack of subject matter. Maybe its just because of my own requirement of over-exposition that I can't get a blog banged out in a timely manner? Too much inner dialogue just doesn't play out well in this kind of situation...There has been plenty going on in the 10

The Sound of Silence

2009-09-11T16:45:00.004-04:00

Forgive me if this comes off as a bit rushed, but if I don't knock it out today, the relevance will be lost for a whole year and, well, I needs a blog entry to stay fresh. How else will I get my "5 - 12 hits per day" up to being competitive with my wife's thousands per week. I'm not even going to bother linking to it since you probably already came from there...and the fact that if you're smart

Hello, true believer!

2009-09-04T14:21:00.005-04:00

Allright, so I've been trying to churn out a new post for little while now, and honestly just haven't had the time. Started a few, finished nothing ("ACK!" is a product of this rushed blogging exercise, and I'm not really sure the one you're reading is "finished" either). Honestly I'd been digging for something to write, but not really coming up with anything that felt right for the ole blog. I

ACK!

2009-08-31T23:58:00.002-04:00

No significance to the above sound effect, I just couldn't think of a title.Life as a middle school English teacher has once again intruded on my life. I say 'intruded' because it doesn't really commandeer my life nor is it just a nuisance: It's this thing I've got to do. It's that same feeling you get working a 9-5, low-wage job (I've sooooo been there) of "let me get through this and life

Eating through a vasectomy reversal (The Quest, part...something...)

2009-08-21T17:28:00.006-04:00

Before all this familial madness I've been documenting here at the ole blog, I had surgery. On my junk.But you knew that already.At this point, I am about 90% recovered and 2 weeks post-op ( I'll explain that 10% in a bit). It was actually my wife that reminded me, as I sat in the living room wishing I had something to do, that I had yet to tell the tale of my vasectomy reversal. All this

Impotence

2009-08-20T01:28:00.005-04:00

Dictionary.com, because I'm too lazy to get out a book...and looking around, I see that I don't actually own a dictionary hmph ... Dictionary.com defines Impotence as such:im⋅po⋅tence AC_FL_RunContent = 0;var interfaceflash = new LEXICOFlashObject ( "http://cache.lexico.com/d/g/speaker.swf", "speaker", "17", "15", "", "6");interfaceflash.addParam("loop", "false");interfaceflash.addParam("

I wanna new drug

2009-08-14T12:48:00.007-04:00

I need a new blog.One that won't make me sick.One that might make you smileWon't make me feel three feet thick.Ah, Huey Lewis...how you sing right to the soul of this world.Okay, so maybe Huey Lewis isn't the Walt Whitman of his generation, but really, who doesn't like Huey Lewis and the News??So with all the hub-bub and hulabaloo of my family situation (or dissolution thereof) I've had quite a

Grab a snack, this is going to take a while.

2009-08-09T23:15:00.004-04:00

Something in me says, "this is self-destructive behavior." Acknowledging that I am on a path that i can't turn back from. Then something else in me asks, "Is it really destruction if you are tearing it down in hopes of rebuilding it?" Lots of time alone in ratty apartments can certainly be unhealthy, but it does allow one a lot of time to examine one's own character. Amongst a myriad of

packing and unpacking (The Quest, pt 5)

2009-08-02T23:23:00.006-04:00

Well, this is it. The climax of this first leg of The Quest is at hand. Honestly I had initially thought all of this would take much longer. I mean, originally it was just a 'quest' for a VCR because at the onset I was worried we might not find someone. Of course I also thought we would be forced to wait another year due to scheduling issues. But here we are, doing some late night packing in

Photos and Thank Yous

2009-07-28T14:00:00.003-04:00

As you can see directly to the right, at last we have our pictures of Joel. They are spectacular photos of our beautiful son. It is a time that stands alone in my memory as one where I remember every second as if it had just happened. I remember and relive in fear that my memory might begin to fade; these pictures give me the comfort of knowing I can let my mind and heart rest a bit. A special

Being an X-man ain't all its cracked up to be (or The Quest: part four)

2009-07-25T14:47:00.004-04:00

Looking for a recap? Look to your right and find The Quest archive somewhere beneath my bio-type-info. In fact, go ahead and read part 3 if you haven't; this one picks up right where it left off... So a day or two after my birthday, and after having received my miserable GRE scores (including a 3.4 out of 6 on the 2 essays. Why the deduction? I ramble. no shit, really?) I called and

Is there a doctor in the house? (The Quest, part three)

2009-07-25T13:00:00.005-04:00

After two not-so-brief interludes, we return to The Quest. With any good sequential/loooong story, this is where you would find the recap page, but I'm not doing that here. Instead you can read on with optional link-clicking to archived material. We are at part three of, as the first post said, an unknown-part series. With the end of part deux I teased that a doctor would be found, and

Productivity Report

2009-07-22T11:03:00.002-04:00

When I started this blog, I said I had decided to be more productive in my life. I hadn't really thought out what that meant, but I knew I couldn't stand the idea of just "being". I suppose somewhere in the back of my head it is that cliche notion that every day is a gift and I want to get something out of each and every day. It goes without saying that every day of my life I get joy from

The Quest, an interlude

2009-07-19T16:25:00.006-04:00

Following my son around in the yard today, I found myself, as usual, contemplating various aspects of the universe. Today I settled on something that came up during our recent meeting with my wife's midwife: time. Specifically it was the discussion of when is the time to try and conceive again.She noted that a year is what is generally recommended; to allow time for healing and such. I

The Quest, part 2

2009-07-16T10:24:00.003-04:00

Welcome adventurers, as The Quest continues!If you are joining us for the first time, allow me to reca...hmm? whats that? OH! This is a blog, isn't it? So if this is your first time here, SCROLL DOWN and get caught up. There is some whining and self-loathing (don't worry, it's all justified...in my opinion) but you'll get through. I did.As we rejoin the quest for a third child, we find

Some bits of randomness

2009-07-11T20:35:00.003-04:00

First and foremost: Thank God for Netflix streaming movies, Xbox Live letting me stream those onto my TV, and Elmo in Grouchland being available for such viewing: it has allowed me (and my wife, of course) to finally take time to be the bad American parents we've always wanted to be and plop our child in front of the television while we rest, relax, clean or, God forbid, do some things for

The Quest, part 1 of an unknown part series

2009-07-09T12:37:00.005-04:00

"Hello, I'd like to speak to you about my testicles. "I was thinking that might be a better way to start the conversation than just jumping right into, "HI, my baby died so my wife and I decided that I need more scar tissue on my scrotum!"I suppose that may just be a bit unsettling to people, but when you call about a vasectomy reversal just a few weeks after having the vasectomy, the people on

my son's shadow

2009-07-02T04:10:00.001-04:00

started 6-24-09 completed 7-2-09In Everything Jules does, I see the little boy that should be following in his footsteps.I don't really have a lot else to add to that comment, but it's been on the tip of my brain for a while and I just had to get it out there. That idea that there is just a little something more to Jules' shadow now; a constant reminder of who should be there at his heels.But

She's stronger than I am

2009-07-02T03:13:00.002-04:00

Stolen, without permission, from my wife's blog... she'll probably fuss at me. :)Where the hell do I go to from here? That's the new question I have to answer for myself. Of course, I much rather answer that or try to instead of hearing "so how are you...

10 days...

2009-06-29T01:06:00.002-04:00

10 days??? I'm supposed to post more often than that, right?Well, I AM writing, just not posting...which I suppose is counter-intuitive when it comes to a blog. The good news is that my wife and I have been keeping busy: trying to fix some things up around the house, going on our first date in 18 months. * YOWZA* Ah, we just knew we needed to get out...and get some drinks in us and try to

put on your sunday bonnet...

2009-06-18T14:02:00.006-04:00

So I found myself involved in a discussion of God's existence in, of all places, a pro-wrestling message board. The gentleman posing the question,whom tends to lean toward the inflammatory, wanted to focus on the logical aspects of it all, but it quickly became a theological discussion, amongst other things.For me, it became an extension of what I'd already been thinking about in terms of my

At least we have Conan...

2009-06-09T13:06:00.007-04:00

For the life of me, I can't recall a time that my wife and I sat and listened to The Beatles. Neither of us owns a Beatles cd, and we never hear them on the radio. I think we looked at one or two Wings songs for our wedding, but that's about it.So I think you can see why our song list for our son's memorial was a little surprising:Let it be - The BeatlesSing For You - Tracy ChapmanWhen You

What the hell is that name?

2009-06-05T03:40:00.001-04:00

Firstly, I'm testing the 'email your blog post' feature because I'm new to this and, well, I can probably post more easily from work using email than blogger.com (Hey, I have a really long planning period, okay?) So, the 'new' screen name: Rivalen. No, I didn't grab it from Lord of the Rings or D&D. It actually comes from the Arthurian legend of Tristan & Isolde; Rivalen was Tristan's father.

My new life

2009-06-03T18:29:00.003-04:00

I don't have a new house, or a new job, or even a new pet.My new life is all about living with a hole; living life knowing that there is something, some part of my world, that should be there but is not. Now I don't think I can ever fill that hole, but to keep myself from falling into it I've decided that I am going to try and be a bit more productive. Sadly, I chose a 'blog' as my first step

You can't get there from here...

Recycling Day: The Reversal

Fatherhood

Two Years

Return of the Blog

Long time no see...but this ain't for you.

I feel like patchwork.

Don't need any wipes...

Snow Angels

This little light of mine

I.B.F.D.

Pride before the Fall / The Sound of Silence

still kickin

Restless Spirit

cripes

blog stats

Happy Birthday!

ah, dammit! Cut that out!

Ask a DB Dad: Why does God have big, clumsy feet?

The Quest: epilogue

Happy Father's Day

I got a bracelet

Hungry Geller

Daddy Moment

...and here we are.

Smokescreen

Top Five

Danny Trejo in my pants.

back in the new blog groove

Well then...

month

Joel's Story

snowy thoughts

Ask a DB Dad: a question you won't think to ask

zzzZZZZ**KKzkkzK** ZZZzzzzZZZZZ

Politics and Economics of having a stillbirth

Ask a DB Dad (or "Dear Weirdo..."

Me time..?

completely casual

Should old acquaintance be forgot...

Two Years

time

Thanks alot...

Ooops, I forgot... *updated*

Angry letters (in mass) work

really?....no, REALLY??

Never simple...

Bumps in the night

FINALLY!

Odd timing (The Quest part 8)

Unposted

He's not breathing

Glow in the woods

The Quest : scientific interlude

negative

unfinished

The Sound of Silence

Hello, true believer!

ACK!

Eating through a vasectomy reversal (The Quest, part...something...)

Impotence

I wanna new drug

Grab a snack, this is going to take a while.

packing and unpacking (The Quest, pt 5)

Photos and Thank Yous

Being an X-man ain't all its cracked up to be (or The Quest: part four)

Is there a doctor in the house? (The Quest, part three)

Productivity Report

The Quest, an interlude

The Quest, part 2

Some bits of randomness

The Quest, part 1 of an unknown part series

my son's shadow

She's stronger than I am

10 days...

put on your sunday bonnet...

At least we have Conan...

What the hell is that name?

My new life

zzzZZZZKKzkkzK ZZZzzzzZZZZZ

Ooops, I forgot... updated