Recycling Day: The Reversal

I've been wanting to re-post this blog for a little while now. It probably isn't the best in terms of writing, but I enjoy the pictures and the fuzzy memories.

So here we go:

Eating Through a Vasectomy Reversal

originally posted August 2009

Before all this familial madness I've been documenting here at the ole blog, I had surgery. On my junk.

But you knew that already.

At this point, I am about 90% recovered and 2 weeks post-op ( I'll explain that 10% in a bit). It was actually my wife that reminded me, as I sat in the living room wishing I had something to do, that I had yet to tell the tale of my vasectomy reversal. All this build up and no pay off?? That's no way for a "pleaser" to act!

Last you heard I was packing up and heading to see Dr. Daniel for my reversal and, well, it was fun. Yes, I know the idea of scalpels and sutures on one's genitals isn't the normal definition of fun...well, for most of us...
Don't worry, all you co-workers and relatives (yes, I know you're out there) here to try and figure out "what is wrong with that Culver boy", genital mutilation is not it.

But yes, it was in fact an enjoyable trip. Do I wish it didn't have to happen? Well, of course I do, but like I keep saying, we make the best of it. And since there are no original ideas left, in honor of our good friend, supporter and fellow blogger Liz , I present "Eating through a vasectomy reversal"

I also promise, no more links this post! Just lots of pictures! (my tribute to my wife's picture blogs ... shit, that was another link...)



Why aren't you excited? OH ... no, no, not pictures of that (or should I say those...?) pictures of myself with various food items which were, besides my pre-op cocktail of meds, the highlight of the trip. (where did you think I got the title eating through a vasectomy reversal??)

We dropped Jules off at his grandparents a bit before noon and hit the road for our wonderful pilgrimage to Burlington, NC to see Dr. Daniel. We had reserved a room for the next two nights since it was a 5+ hour drive and my consult was at 9am with surgery following and a night of rest needed after that.

On the trip down, we began our culinary escapades in Beckley, WV. Why Beckley? Well, we were hungry by that point, and when in the southern part of the state, we always try to make a stop at Macado's.

Not familiar with Macado's? Well, with locations mainly in Virginia, around Roanoke and Blacksburg, I'm not surprised. Maybe it's just nostalgia, but I have yet to find a better menu of sandwiches. Although, I personally would suggest making your way to Bluefield because I always thought their Macado's was higher quality. Of course you would never know it is there because anything worth checking out in Bluefield (quit laughing) isn't advertised alongside the interstate!


Then when you take the exit, you find yourself on what is primarily an empty road, except for the old Wisdom Channel studios, but unless you're some kind of whacked-out hippie, that holds no appeal. That road takes a couple miles before you hit what appears to be another empty road, but left or right at that point, you'll hit something... I'd be specific, but at that point you're just glad to find civilzation again. (macado's, and the 3/4 empty mall, are to the right)

Our journey to Burlington was quiet and uneventful, except for my wife cowering like a bunny as we went through East River and Big Walker Mountain tunnels. Oh, well we did get kinda lost when we were right on top of Burlington. I blame Yahoo! maps because, well, they're horrible and have always sent me on crazy routes, but Jess uses Yahoo! like an old man uses the same mechanic that keeps cheating him. ( love you , dear)

Our first order of business, after finding the hotel, which both yahoo and google thought was on a different part of the road than it was, was to hunt down Red Robin. We'd always been interested in going to a Red Robin, but it became a priority after we saw it on Top Chef (new season just started! Wed @ 10 on Bravo..WATCH IT!( ...if I had more readers, I'd start charging for all these plugs... Anyway, gourmet burgers is their specialty, but the fact that they had Guinness on tap made my day. 'Tis a rare gem to enjoy a Guinness from the tap, at least in WV.

Don't worry, I only had one. But of course we went for the burgers (although the bottomless steak fries were spiffy too) and while they may not have been the greatest chunks of meat we'd had, the toppings were good. I had the royal (I believe...) with a fried egg on it. You cringe, but it was tasty!

So after an evening of exploring the area, we settled in and rested up for the big day.

I was a little nervous going into the consultation. Worried they might decide it was a wasted trip for some wild reason. "I'm sorry sir, you're belly button is too low for us to perform this procedure." !?!?!

But it went really well. Dr. Daniel and his staff were all really pleasant. Like, really. I'm a bit standoffish myself, and really don't like overly nice people, but I wanted to hang out with these folks! Dr. Daniel himself was pretty straightforward about everything, as well as being very confident in his skill, but without making me think some high school football star was working on my fellas.

He even joked with us about a few things, including some of the various doctors we'd researched, and even made a few dinner suggestions! But before we get to that, we have the best "meal" of all: the pre-op cocktail. Dr. Daniel explained that 1)to keep costs down [no anesthesiologist] and 2) to avoid any of the complications and weirdness of intravenous drugs, he has his patients take a selection of meds about 1/2 hour before the operation. This only included a couple of painkillers, and mostly items to help avoid infection, keep me sleepy, and deter any side effects of other drugs (like benadryl for itchiness).

So we headed to the local Target, which was AWESOME...made our Target at home look like a Big Lots. (Starting to feel like the Beverly Hillbillies here.) So we picked up my drugs and a converter for the X-box so we'd have something to do while I rest.

We also, conveniently, got a preview of what my recovery would be like...



The fact of the matter is that I've never really had reason to be on any kind of major painkillers or prescription drugs, period. Even with the vasectomy I only took a few tylenol w/ codine, and the painkillers I was prescribed for my wisdom teeth removal were apparently for us to make a mortgage payment because I never really needed them. Well, from the time I took this cocktail, with a side of McDonalds, at 12:10, to the time we were at the doc's office at 12:25, I thought I was back in college.

What felt like 10 minutes later, Dr. Daniel was turning off his ipod stereo thing (I can't remember what music it was, but I remember enjoying it) and telling me I could get dressed. With my years of experience maneuvering while intoxicated, and judging from the look on the doctor and my wife's faces, I made my way back to the waiting area much quicker than expected. Apparently things went very well from Dr. Daniel's viewpoint and he was very happy with the procedure...except, of course, for my legendary snoring (probably should've warned him).

After this I was fairly coherent for the ride back to the hotel. I even hooked up the X-Box converter and after a bit tried to play. Instead I just kept waking up with my character facing a corner ala Blair Witch. From there, things are hazy, but I do remember a few things:


Remember Dr. Daniel suggested some fine local eateries? Well, we opted for The Village Grill, which specializes in a 'key lime chicken' that they use in various dishes.

Here's how I remember it:

BEST. FUCKING. CHICKEN. EVER.

Yes, the "fucking" was absolutely necessary. I remember being very thankful that Jess went out and got it, but also having a flash of anger that she didn't buy more. Then I passed out again.

Feeling guilty that I was spending our "romantic getaway" half-passed out and trying to play X-box, I got Jess to make some coffee for me. Little known fact: I love cheap hotel coffee.

See? I told you so. Even better was that on her next trip to the ice machine for me, Jess made another stop:

Where she bought the, you guessed it:

BEST. FUCKING. SNICKERS. EVER.

I'm sorry that this blog is turning into an endorsement for taking percocets before your meals, but honestly, it was like tasting food for the first time!

Alas, we finally gave into sleep and rested for the night. I penguin-walked my way downstairs for breakfast in the morning (I just can't pass up the free continentals) where everyone thought I was the guy that left the Natural Light case out in the hallway. What can I say, I looked the part.

Armed with a couple of instant-cold packs, I bravely took the wheel and started us on the drive home. Here's a tip: instant-cold packs don't stay nearly cold enough long enough for this kind of operation. Those suckers were gone fast. Luckily, we were hungry and stopped at a Hardees for lunch and then Jess took over driving duties while I enjoyed the

BEST. FUCKING. CUP-of-ICE. EVER.

So, that is the story of my vasectomy reversal, of which I mainly remember the food. Lucky for you, the wife and I are tag-teaming this one, so she'll have an whole other take on it which I'm sure you'll enjoy (there's a porn store in her story!)


On a final note, my apologies if you came here looking for serious information about vasectomy reversals. Search through the rest of our 'quest' and it's there, you just have to dig through my bad jokes. But hey, I've never tried to say that I wasn't

Corny.

The Quest: epilogue

A little something a friend did for us.

A bright and lively reminder of our boy.

For those of you that haven't been around forever (I'm actually amazed I can say that and be referring to actual people [all two of you]) a big part of this blog has been The Quest. (see sidebar for a bit more info...or, you know, click the friggin link)

Chronicling our efforts to get back in the baby-making game both emotionally and physically (read: vasectomy reversal tag) after Joel's death. It is an odd and difficult thing processing this completely unplanned path. I've read plenty of personal accounts from other DB parents who have taken that step. No one ever regrets it (no shit. really, Sherlock?) but everyone has their own way of coming to terms with that quirky reality of "this is the child I'm having because my other child died".

I've covered all that before and I feel like I summed myself up pretty well in The Road. Personally, I felt like that post was the perfect end to The Quest, but I felt like it needed a couple more notes before we 'move on'(hence "epilogue").

First of all, as lame and superficial as it is, you've probably noticed a new layout and color scheme. Fact is, the old layout was, well, bringing me down. I felt obligated to write something quasi-deep and solemn. Okay, so maybe the blog layout wasn't really behind how I had twisted the purpose of the blog in my head, but it certainly reflected and encouraged it!

Joel certainly has some powerfully difficult memories attached to him, but pretty early on I decided that was not how I would remember him. He would be celebrated, and I would do my best to extend the joy and excitement he brought us, while, you know, still being fucking sad.

Somewhere along the way I got turned around, feeling a bit like the joy of ending our Quest was counter-intuitive to what this blog "should be": a shrine to Joel. But the gnashing of teeth, tearing of clothes and wallowing in ash Old Testament style was in no way honoring him. Life honors Joel. Love honors Joel. And in the end, I started the blog on a promise to him that I'd be productive, that I'd keep writing, for better or worse (yeah, yeah, I've already acknowledged that a blog is a real lame-ass way to "be productive", but Michaelangelo I ain't).

So, a new layout, and a little less focus on "am I accurately reflecting the shit storm that is my soul in the wake of my son's death", and, more importantly, a new baby.

Prepare for the cute.

A little hairy...and a little like Kevin Spacey (not a bad thing).

Thanks to Valarie for the pics.

Never simple...

First, the good news: Picadilly, our 3rd child, is doing well. Measuring a little under what we'd thought, but looking good. So HOORAY for that, because after a week of cramping and spotting, well, we feared the worst.

Now, the "It's never simple, Charlie Brown" (or "AAAAARRRGH!") news:

The doctor dumped my wife. Why? Because, if we are to take things at face value, we're skeptical. So lets go back through the timeline and figure up what is going on here, as best we can.

After Joel's death, we both had quite a bit of bloodwork done to determine if there were any genetic risks for any further pregnancies. We took said results to a High-Risk Specialist in Charleston, WV. In looking over the results and all of Jess' charts and records, he determined that there was no genetic disorder or blood disorder for us to worry about. He said that we would automatically be considered "high risk" but not high enough to be seen by a specialist, just additional monitoring during the pregnancy, and probably a planned induction.

Now, she does have one mutation, but it is one that is only a problem when paired with another mutation. If she had both, she would have to be on a daily injected blood thinner. Still, High Risk Specialist says no biggie, probably no need for injections, but he wouldn't be seeing us so it would be up to the doctor that does.

This was, of course, before we even tried getting pregnant. Flashforward a few months and Jess heads to this new doctor who is loosely associated with the hospital we've had our problems with, but it is a self-contained office, so we're happy and hopeful. Initially all is well, blah blah blah.

Today we go in for the ultrasound and are very pleased to find out that our Picadilly is alive and well. Afterwards we met with the doctor, who was pretty nice and well-spoken and impressively open about his thought process (not used to that with guys in lab coats). He brought up his concerns about the mutation and the need for blood-thinners, expressing that he wants to do everything possible to make sure we take home a baby. Well, okay. Us too.

He explains that he consulted with the local High Risk Specialist about this. Uh-oh. See, we went to Charleston because the local guy is the same one that told us Joel had two kidneys when in fact he only had one. Naturally, we're a bit skeptical of dealing with that doctor.

So anyway, Uh-Oh Specialist says use the blood-thinners. Well, okay, we're fine with that. You know, better to err on the side of caution. Conversation over? Nah, the doc still isn't sure that the blood thinner would be okay, even though he really trusts Uh-Oh Specialist. So, his feeling is that we should go and meet with Uh-Oh Specialist.

Uh-Oh.

Yeah, we turned down that opportunity, which confused the doc, and we finally had to tell him the most basic version of our interaction with Dr. Uh-Oh. The solution? we go back to the Charleston High Risk Specialist...you know, the one who already said Jess isn't high risk and that he saw no need to see her. When they tried to set up an appointment, the OK Specialist said they needed records first and would determine if Jess needs to see a high-risk specialist. See where we're going here?

So we found ourselves looking for yet another OB because, well, we were skeptical. I suppose I understand the doctor's issue. Obviously he intended to give Jess additional care and keep a close eye on the baby. Unfortunately, if any issues came up, he would be consulting with Dr. Uh-Oh, and inevitably, Dr. Uh-Oh would want to see Jess.

Of course, since Jess' last visit, all the doctors associated with the office we were at today were 'searched' on her blog by someone at the 'Corporate Health Hospital'... I'll let your mind run with that as it will.

Odd timing (The Quest part 8)

So this upcoming week, October 15th to be exact, is the Awareness week/day/month for our "club": for all of us who have lost an infant, be it a stillbirth, miscarriage, or any other infant death. If you didn't click on the link above, go ahead and do it now, or plan to later. My wife put together quite the statement/blog about it. I had actually planned to just re-post it over here, but as it would happen, a strange thing happened on my way to get my back shaved.

(Yes, I have unfortunately developed the back hair that I have often mocked...now I tease it...with a pick)


We'd just spent a marvelous weekend at the George Washington Hotel in Winchester, Virginia, a beautiful and cozy colonial town, where we enjoyed our friends' wedding as well as some horseback riding. ( If that sentence sounds a bit pompous, it should, but it was that fun AND classy of a weekend) In many ways, we had looked forward to this weekend away from home as a reprieve: a chance to stop and not think so much on our troubles, and just enjoy ourselves a bit. Just a week or two ago, we had been very focused on our Quest and had faced some hard truths about just how much I'd recovered from the reversal. According to my own microscopic examination, as well as that of a local lab, I was completely spermless (only so many sperm metaphors I can go through...).

After 400 miles on the road, there was a great need for bathroom utilization. On a whim, my wife decided to use one of the test strips she had bought (in bulk). I got in the shower, where she had finally conceded to help me out with that damned back hair, and as I lathered up she started freaking out. I assumed there was a spider or something...

nope, just a line. a faint, but very obvious line -- and trust me, we've seen enough negative tests to know what a line doesn't look like.

(
(15 minutes later)

Yep...still lines...


(...another 35)

Tried two more: more lines.

(...one hour and a half...)
Yeah, so we're still in shock and I don't even know what to post here.


WOOOOOOO MUDDA' FUCKIN' HOOOOO!!!!!!


Now I know it's early, and TRUST ME I know we have plenty to worry about...but this is really great. :)


Now, back to the "odd timing". First, today is October 11th, my father's birthday. Wait, don't say "awwww". I mean, if you've read this whole blog, you know things aren't cool there. But somehow I still take it to mean something that we found out on his birthday. I mean, he made it pretty clear through his absence of inquiry that he didn't care about Joel, so quite honestly, we have no interest in giving him the opportunity to care for this pregnancy. So we found out on his birthday, AND went horseback riding... I guess take it as an extra "fuck you" to him (not that I like to associate hateful terms with birthdays, pregnancies, or horses, but he brought this on himself)


Another coincidence of time that occurred to me is that this is also the week of my truly best friend's son's birthday (he'll be a great big ONE this week. very awesome!) He and his wife also experienced a loss before this little cutie came along, which I suppose makes the date all the more meaningful (and coincidental). Now I don't know what they think of all this, and I'm certaionly not wanting to put anything on them, so to speak, and its their perogative to deal with those ideas and feelings as they wish. But what I can say for sure is this: I'm very happy and honored to have received this most exciting news in the same week as their son's birthday.

So it would appear that The Quest will now take on a new form (I'm tired of talking about sperm anyway...) as we keep a very close eye on this pregnancy.

oh, and there are STILL lines.

and I never got my back shaved...

packing and unpacking (The Quest, pt 5)

Well, this is it. The climax of this first leg of The Quest is at hand. Honestly I had initially thought all of this would take much longer. I mean, originally it was just a 'quest' for a VCR because at the onset I was worried we might not find someone. Of course I also thought we would be forced to wait another year due to scheduling issues.

But here we are, doing some late night packing in preparation for the 5+ hours journey to my "reactivation". All the phone calls and research finally paying off! I guess from here on it's just crossed-fingers and silent prayers. ... well, okay, something else will come into play at some point, but I'm not allowed to even think about that for at least a month after surgery. a month!


If you've been reading, thanks for the support. If you haven't been, well, I find it odd that you are reading now, but hey, whatever; glad you're here. Hopefully you've got a chuckle or two out of all of this; I know we certainly try to make all of this as entertaining for ourselves as possible. Just a way to make it bearable since there are obviously other things we would rather be doing, but this is what we have to do.

So often my thoughts are on what Joel would be doing now; what he would be like. When we are doing something (shopping, eating, whatever) I think about how it might differ having both our sons with us. The same thing goes for when we are around the house. So today was odd for me, as we prepared for this trip; as we prepare to leave Jules with his grandparents for 2 nights, I started to think, "I don't know that I could leave our 2 month old." Then I realized, we wouldn't. There would be no trip, no packing, no VCR, no 'quest'... there would be so much more. So very much more.



So, we try to make it entertaining, so that it is bearable.

Wish me luck.

Being an X-man ain't all its cracked up to be (or The Quest: part four)

Looking for a recap? Look to your right and find The Quest archive somewhere beneath my bio-type-info. In fact, go ahead and read part 3 if you haven't; this one picks up right where it left off...



So a day or two after my birthday, and after having received my miserable GRE scores (including a 3.4 out of 6 on the 2 essays. Why the deduction? I ramble. no shit, really?) I called and made my appointment with Dr. Daniel, which required a $500 deposit. But hey, its worth it. Just a few days later, we received my wife's test results.

Now somewhere along the way, and I honestly can't remember the chronological point because it was one of those moments for me, we received Joel's autopsy report. Or at least we received a phone call from the midwife to give us a basic run down of the results. We recently received a printed copy of the report, along with my wife's blood work, but that comes a little later on. The piece of information I want you to get here is that the autopsy did not yield any conclusive evidence of a cause of death. There were some additional tests that might have been performed, but certain tissues needed for those tests were too far along in their natural processes to be used for the tests.

So with that information, we turned to my wife's lab results (31 tubes at the hospital, mind you) to maybe give us a clue as to what happened and how it might affect the next child. At this point I am going to refer you to my wife's blog because, well, she's already written about this part and I think she did a pretty good job of covering it. She gives a lot more insight into things and covers other parts of the spectrum of craziness in our lives right now. So read hers then come back, or finish mine then go to hers, either way; it is suggested reading, just not necessarily required to get the story but it will probably make it more enjoyable AND you won't just read it in my voice (variety is the spice of life).

Basically, we were looking for genetic mutations that might have caused a defect of some sort. Several mutations were found. The midwife had the OB giver her a rundown on what it all meant, but still it was over her head as it was also a bit over his head, but we all did the best we could in looking at it. Jess (my wife) did some Googling about the different things she was told about, and well, it was still over our heads, but we got enough to get a bit scared and discouraged. However we knew that nothing was definite until we went to a geneticist with her test results along with mine.

Yes, I had to go get tubes upon tubes drawn as well. Only then might we get some numbers on what might happen with our third child.

So we've been playing a bit of a waiting game. Actually, we've been playing a LOT of a waiting game. And I've hated it, but even more so at this point where we are waiting to get real results on the blood work and have it fully explained. I don't hate it for me; I hate it for my wife. That whole idea of "I killed my baby" started gnawing at her, and sure, I don't see it that way or feel that way, but I knew the feeling was there and I just wanted to make it go away. I don't want that for her and my heart goes out to any parents that are in that situation.

So we make arrangements to see our midwife. My wife needs her 6 weeks check-up (now 7.5 weeks) and I'm going to get my blood drawn for the testing along with getting all of our printed reports. Well, my wife got her check-up, and we got our print-outs, but I needed 21 tubes of blood drawn with some needing to be frozen and well, she doesn't have that kind of equipment in her living room. No biggie; I go to a lab in a couple of days and take care of it.

Now for the true purpose of the appointment: laying out the battle plan. Angy, our awesome midwife, is very much a part of this Quest. She was a source of support when we lost Joel, and now she has the means and the connections to help us to carry on (not to mention her ability to write zoloft prescriptions). The plan worked out as such: Angy would work on getting an appointment for us to see a high-risk OB /perinatal whom she works with, who also works with a geneticist (whom just happens to be his wife). We, in the meanwhile, would go get my bloodwork taken care of along with the vasectomy reversal. Then we get back together, see what the geneticist has to say and go from there.

Flash forward a couple days past our drawn out trip to the lab (some miscommunication between Angy and the lab on what needed to be done, so we had to wait). Angy calls us at home to update us on a conversation between herself and the high-risk OB. Their topic? My wife's bloodwork. It turns out that the particular mutations that she has are not particularly bad: for one she may only need a folic acid supplement, another is inversely abnormal (dangerous if levels are too low, but Jess is really high), and the others are at a level that is of no concern. In fewer words: a relief. Chances are there was nothing about my wife's genetics that caused Joel's death or that would cause concern for our next child. Note that we will still be extremely cautious (and there are just a few more tests they would like to run) , but it is good news nonetheless.

Now we wait to see if maybe it was something from my side. Perhaps I can be the worst X-man ever: "So, what's your mutant power?"
"Me? Oh, well I make bad babies"
"You mean like mean babies?"
"Huh? Oh, no no; I mean like malfunctioning babies. "
"..."
"Hmm, I guess actually they just don't function at all"
"... * "
"Yeah, its a really shitty mutation. Wish I'd just get the Legacy virus..." (fanboy comicbook reference)




So, I believe this actually has us caught up to real time. Just waiting to make that journey for the vasectomy reversal. However, that doesn't mean that things are quite calm yet. Earlier in this post I mentioned that Angy also gave us Joel's printed autopsy report and we all looked over it together. Let me tell you, those things are just as fun to read as you imagine. There were, however, a few interesting pieces of text. Items that Angy put in a call about a week ago, to which we have received no response. That kind of goes into play with some other little things floating around us; other experiences and tidbits of information.

I've known all along that he would always have an impact on my life, but it would appear that Joel's story is far from finished.


Coming Soon:
snip-snip, the sequel

and

The Book of Joel

Is there a doctor in the house? (The Quest, part three)

After two not-so-brief interludes, we return to The Quest.

With any good sequential/loooong story, this is where you would find the recap page, but I'm not doing that here. Instead you can read on with optional link-clicking to archived material.


We are at part three of, as the first post said, an unknown-part series. With the end of part deux I teased that a doctor would be found, and indeed a doctor has been found!

Well, in reality, several doctors were found. It has come to light in this process that there are two key factors beyond skill and price when selecting a doctor for elective surgery: convenience and hospitality. It's kind of like choosing a Bed & Breakfast, except with scalpels and sutures.

As we've previously discussed (and I say "discussed" because in my head you all talk back to me as I type) Vasectomy Completion Reversalists (or VCRs [man, I really like parentheses]) are relatively sparse. This means that many of their patients have to travel long distances to see them. Let's not forget the matter of paying for the reversal, which causes some patients to travel even farther away just to save a few hundred, or thousand, dollars. But really, most of the VCRs in a general area fall into the same general price range so it becomes a matter of looking at your additional costs, and like I said, convenience and hospitality.

Most of the VCRs we looked at offered special rates at local hotels for their patients (usually 10%, sometimes more). Of course as a semi well-traveled young man, I realize that a hotel room can cost a different rate each night just depending on how busy the hotel is, so small discounts are usually b.s. and can be beat. For example, when my wife booked the hotel room near the doctor we chose, she wanted to use the 10% discount my union membership offers. Just to check, she went to the hotel website seperately and was offered a cheaper rate than with my union discount. Internet Age lesson #1: shop around!!

Geography lesson: This blog originates from the green dot. This puts us in a nice central location in regard to some larger cities with VCRs, giving us some nice options. We found several doctors in Ohio and Kentucky and narrowed down our choices to three: 1 in Louisville, Ky and 2 in the Cincinatti, Oh area. One of the Ohio guys got cut just because we couldn't find enough information online. This kind of thing is all about RESEARCH! Get with it! Internet Age lesson #2: put your business information online!

The Louisville doctor, Dr. Chris Schrepferman, is impressive. He met all of our requirements, obviously, since he made it this far. I spoke with his office on the phone a couple of times; very nice people. They offer a hotel discount and they have a special set up for their out-of-town patients. Depending on your life and schedule, this can be pretty convenient, but it might also be a little restricting, as it was for us: You make one trip in to see him on a Thursday. Consultation is in the evening, then you go for pre-op bloodwork, stay the night at the hotel. Surgery is Friday morning and generally you will be the only patient he sees, maybe one other. He then asks that you stay in town that night and come back to his office Saturday morning for a post-op check before you leave town. Total cost was around 7500 (that is all medical expenses, sans prescriptions, not including hotel cost) Honestly, not a horrible price or deal considering the amount of attention you receive and the general level of care.

Over in Ohio, we have Dr. Shane T. Russell who certainly seems to be pretty awesome. I was actually able to correspond with Dr. Russell directly which was convenient and reassuring. He actually helped answer a LOT of our questions and his website is a great resource for anyone looking at issues with male infertility, even if you aren't anywhere near Ohio. He is very thorough and very detailed oriented. Dr. Russell has a bit more flexibility in his schedule, again with a limit of two patients per day if he is doing a reversal. Obviously he prefers to schedule surgeries for the morning, and generally, he okays you to travel later that day or the next morning. The consultation can be at any time since it will be a little while prior to the actual surgery. Yes, the one drawback is that Dr. Russell asks for an in-office consultation before agreeing to, and scheduling, the surgery. It is a matter of caution on his part, and completely reasonable in my opinion, but not necesarilly that convenient (Many VCRs offer an over-the-phone consultation). His total cost is around the 6800 mark (not counting the cost of two trips to Cincinatti)

All travel costs accounted for, we figured these two were pretty even. While I would certainly recommend them to anyone, they just weren't the answer for us because we are in a bit of a time crunch. With my teaching schedule, we need flexible scheduling and a single trip. So we looked a little bit more, widening our search until we found this guy:

Dr. Michael Daniel of Burlington, North Carolina. Our travel time just about doubles, but that is the only snag that we have. While I haven't spoken directly to Dr. Daniel, I have spoken with several of his office staff and the head nurse, all of whom were very helpful and extremely nice. It was a huge relief to be able to talk to one person who could answer various questions (the nurse gave me info on payment options, etc.! ). Again, he meets all our general criteria, and already the hospitality is looking good! Consultation and surgery are on the same day, just a few hours apart so they can do whatever tests and prep while I go fill my prescription for pain meds (whoo hoo!). They recommend staying the night somewhere close by, but at the end of the day it is up to me. They were very honest and helpful in regards to recovery time. Generally all we'd been hearing was that it is usually a little more uncomfortable than recovering from the initial vasectomy, but nothing bad. Dr. Daniel's office suggest a good two week period before I work since I'd be on my feet a lot. They were also honest with me that it will be sensitive longer than before. (I almost left out the word "sensitive" on purpose...) Total cost: 5800

So the 1,000 dollar difference more than makes up for the extra gas money while hotel costs (2 nights - drive down, stay, surgery, stay, go home) really stay about the same, if not cheaper since it is a smaller town.


Oh, and they can get me in the first week of August. Yes, that's right, I'm about a week and a half away from being reactivated (and having a scrotum that looks like Leatherface).


Don't worry loyal reader, there are a lot more twists and turns to this story before we even get to the surgery! Stay tuned for Being an X-man ain't all its cracked up to be (or The Quest: part four)

The Quest, an interlude

Following my son around in the yard today, I found myself, as usual, contemplating various aspects of the universe. Today I settled on something that came up during our recent meeting with my wife's midwife: time. Specifically it was the discussion of when is the time to try and conceive again.

She noted that a year is what is generally recommended; to allow time for healing and such. I myself have wondered when I'd be ready for our third child. It is without question that I want a third child, but how soon?

I kick these ideas around a bit, never really coming to any conclusions, still muddling through the yard, watching, and occasionally rescuing, Jules as he adventures about. I started moving some old boards that had once been a make-shift covering for our pool when we first moved in (I tore it up last year and hadn't cleaned up the wreckage since). As I did this I discovered a rather impressive ant nest; those tiny ants that get in everywhere (like our kitchen -- a problem that has been remedied). There was probably a foot long, half-inch deep strip of what I will call ant food (that white stuff they carry) and a circle 2 feet in diameter that was crawling and pulsating with little soldiers at work.

Now the appropriate home owner response would be to kill the fuckers, but honestly I haven't had the stomach for as repercussion-less a task as killing ants since that fateful day. Once a proud proponent of "the food chain", now it just feels wrong. (not going Vegan though)
So I opted to let nature work, and I took a moment to admire all the movement, then followed my son to some other corner of the yard.
A few moments later I walked back by the ant nest and I was caught a little off-guard. Now if I had been actually thinking about the condition of these ants, this probably wouldn't have surprised me, but it did. That huge supply of food was already gone; transported to some other secure location.

I imagined a scene from a disaster movie: a normal day amongst the ants, all of them casually going about their daily business of... doing ant stuff in their damp, dark world. ~~KARRAACKK!!~~ Light starts to break through from above; the ants stop and look up. Giant fingers lift the dark sky away and their world is flooded with light. Run! The ants are confused and devastated at the loss of their home. Oh the humanity, the humanity!!
(you may now take the time to admire my sound effect)

But no, instead, because I'd forgotten everything we are taught about the character of ants, these guys were doing what they had to do. They were grabbing the food and heading for someplace safer. They were carrying on. And what choice did they have? Just plop their little thorax down on the dirt and say "well shit...now what?" No sir, the only choice they have is to keep going; pick themselves up and let that asshole in the sandals and the spider-man t-shirt know that he wasn't going to keep them down.

Naturally, my attention was quickly diverted back to Jules whom had discovered an old bouncy ball and was chasing that around. Returning to my outdoor routine of watching my son play and run, stumble, fall, get up, run, laugh, stumble, fall, get up again, laugh again, and so forth and so on, I knew I had found my answers.


I could sit and cry forever. No, really, I could. But that isn't a choice I have. Oh, we've done plenty of it, and I'm sure there will be more, but we will carry on. We have to move towards that safer place. Luckily, our reason for carrying on also lights our path, like some perfectly adorable little prophet, running and stumbling, falling, getting up, running, laughing, stumbling, falling, getting up again, laughing and so forth and so on.

The Quest, part 2

Welcome adventurers, as The Quest continues!

If you are joining us for the first time, allow me to reca...hmm? whats that? OH! This is a blog, isn't it? So if this is your first time here, SCROLL DOWN and get caught up. There is some whining and self-loathing (don't worry, it's all justified...in my opinion) but you'll get through. I did.

As we rejoin the quest for a third child, we find ourselves in search of a doctor who performs microsurgery vasectomy reversals, can do the complicated technique if my "straws" require it, is travel-able (my own word), and is financially do-able. Having performed the basic Googling so we have some idea about what we are looking for, my wife went to one of, if not the, largest communities of baby-concerned people on the Internet: babycenter.

Now if you are unfamiliar with babycenter, they are like any large influential organization : they put out all kinds of info as unarguable fact and they have a message board where certain viewpoints are more encouraged than others, kind of like the Vatican. So, much like the Vatican, babycenter can be looked at as a force for good or evil. The good thing about babycenter is that they have a forum for just about every sub-group of parents and it is a large community, so you have a lot of resources to pull from.

Looking at their Vasectomy Reversal forum, my wife found out a lot of info, but the most interesting thing she found was about a little doc in Oklahoma. The first bit about Dr. Wilson to catch our eye was his price: $1700, all inclusive (except drinks). Wow! That's a HUGE difference from the 6 and 7 thousand dollar price tags we'd been seeing. He even does microsurgery! And the threads at babycenter just rave about him. He's even backed by the Vatican!

Of course, it's in OKLAHOMA, so that is a good bit of travel. Plus, considering the costs of VR, you can imagine that Dr. Wilson is pretty booked up. How booked up? Try months in advance. He has an online calendar for people that have gone through booking an appointment. People stalk it waiting for a dropped appointment so they can grab it and get in early. If you need flexibility in your appointment date, then you're going to have to wait. Hmm, yeah that is an issue with my teacher schedule. Also, it is in Muskogee, OK, bringing new meaning to "you can't get there from here". Depending on when the appointment could be, air travel to Tulsa would be anywhere from 450 - 850/seat, plus a rental car and hotel (priceline). And take a second to look at that Wikipedia page. Shouldn't the Dr. Wilson, Sperm Restoration Specialist and possibly their greatest source of tourism traffic, be listed as a notable resident? And look at the mayor; I think he was in my 4th period last year!

Oh, and he isn't actually a urologist (not the mayor, Dr. Wilson); he's a cardiologist. Now he's done all the training for VR and is a skilled microsurgeon, but he doesn't do any follow-up because, well, he doesn't really work in that area. Now my nephew goes to a "pediatrician" that is actually an urologist and I know she's been off the mark a few times, and that didn't even involve surgery. But that is the kind of info that we had to dig to find on Dr. Wilson. Honestly, other than the travel, it really seemed too good to be true.

And then, like something out of a movie, we received a mysterious message. We went to a quiet bar and sat in the darkened back corner, just as our contact had asked. A man in a trenchcoat sat a newspaper down on our table, we turned to the comics and laughed at Marmaduke; it was the agreed upon password. The man came back and sat... *sigh* okay, that didn't happen (no one laughs at Marmaduke) But my wife did receive an email from a fellow babycenter poster. Said "she" knew my wife had questions about Dr. Wilson, but "she" didn't feel comfortable responding in public for fear of retribution (not making up that part). "She" sent my wife a link to another board with some ugly truths about Dr. Wilson, or at least a little less biased views.

At such a low cost, I had wondered what kind of facilities or staff he must have. The answer is little to none. He has no staff; no nurses, no-one except his wife, and apparently that is only sometimes. The office is fairly dated, along with reports of an old wooden exam table(??). A reiteration of the fact that he doesn't do any follow-up (including one guy who says he got an infection and Wilson just blew him off [again, poor word choice]) . But the deal breaker? He doesn't do the more-advanced technique that can sometimes be necessary. Sorry, but if I'm going through all of this trouble, I want as high of odds as possible that it works the first time. And really, Muskogee?

So with the dream of bargain surgery dashed, we decided to focus on convenient travel. Luckily we live in a tri-state area, so we have quick access to Cincinatti, Columbus (OH), Louisville and Lexington (KY)

I know this is RANDOM, but does anyone else have cats that constantly NIBBLE ON YOU?!?!?! Five times in the last paragraph have I been lightly nommed by my cat. ARGH!!

*ahem*

So, next Quest update: a Doctor is found!

The Quest, part 1 of an unknown part series

"Hello, I'd like to speak to you about my testicles. "


I was thinking that might be a better way to start the conversation than just jumping right into, "HI, my baby died so my wife and I decided that I need more scar tissue on my scrotum!"

I suppose that may just be a bit unsettling to people, but when you call about a vasectomy reversal just a few weeks after having the vasectomy, the people on the other end of the phone tend to wonder why.

After losing Joel, my wife and I came to the fairly quick assertion that we didn't just want to have two kids, we wanted to raise two kids. Our quest had begun.

Now we didn't know much about vasectomy reversals other than hearing Dr. Phil brag about having done it twice (good lord...his scrotum must look like Mickey Rourke), and I'm willing to bet that you don't know much about it either, so in hope of some mild amusement, and of course to spread a bit of our hard earned education, I thought I would chronicle our search for a vasovasostomatician.

To begin, we considered going back to the same urologist that performed my vasectomy, but somehow that seemed a little weird for us. We didn't realize it at the time, but he actually doesn't do reversals. In fact, according to our research, there isn't a doctor in West Virginia that does! (not sure why I used an exclamation point, as if it is really that surprising of a statement...) A reversal is a pretty involved micro-surgery procedure that requires some pricey equipment and training. Well, that is if you want it done in the least invasive and quickest way. There apparently are still docs out there that do it the 'old-fashioned' way. It's cheaper, but you get what you pay for. So as you might imagine, there is a relatively small group of doctors that perform the procedure with all the latest gadgets and the high-success rate that comes with them.

Since my guys are getting enough awkward attention as it is, I'm not going to go into the details of the procedure. If you want to know more about all that, you can go here. For our purposes, let's just use this imagery: take a drinking straw. Cut it into two pieces. Use a lighter to melt the ends of the two pieces, sealing them (vasectomy). Now, cut the melted/sealed portion off the two pieces and try to reconnect the straw like it was new, so you can blow spit wads through it without it breaking open(vasectomy reversal). See what kind of trouble you run into.


It just dawned on me that "spit wads" may have been a poor choice...

*ahem*
So when reconnecting your straw pieces, apparently there can be quite a bit of trouble, calling for an advanced procedure called a vasoepididymostomy. Advanced procedure = even fewer docs can do this.

Blog reader, COME ON DOWN!!!! it's time to play our pricing game! We've told you all about our lovely vasectomy reversal, and if you can guess the correct price range you'll get a chance to have awkward conversation with Drew Carey and his creepy new haircut!!

$2,000? 4,000? 6,000? 10,000? 15,000??

Well, they're ALL correct. Depending on where you go and who you see, a reversal can cost anywhere in that range. Of course, for the microsurgery option, you're looking at 5-15,000. Very rarely will insurance help pay for a reversal, and even then it is usually just a small portion. In our case, it is total out-of-pocket expense.

So: a doctor who performs the reversal via microsurgery and can do the advanced procedure if necessary, within an acceptable traveling distance, and within our teacher's salary budget...

Hmm, this should be EASY!



to be continued...