My new life

I don't have a new house, or a new job, or even a new pet.

My new life is all about living with a hole; living life knowing that there is something, some part of my world, that should be there but is not. Now I don't think I can ever fill that hole, but to keep myself from falling into it I've decided that I am going to try and be a bit more productive. Sadly, I chose a 'blog' as my first step in that process.

But they say if you want to be a writer, you have to write every day, so why not have an outlet for some of my gibberish? And now I can do it without being bombarded with App invites and 'vote for me' bulletins. Not that I'm knocking Myspace or anyone that uses it regularly and loves it, I'm just far too narcissistic for that. Sure, I'll still keep up with 'my peeps' via Myspace, but when I feel like blabbing, I like something a little more simplified. No offense; just a personal preference. (although facebook DOES blow)

UPDATE: ...I'm now on facebook...

So, "You can't get there from here...". George Carlin observed that it is a bullshit line because surely you can get anywhere from somewhere. With that in mind, this is where I will chronicle my impossible journey back to normal.

Inspiration for my blogging comes from two places: the first being my extraordinary wife who captivated and entertained me with her words, mind and humor before setting her romantic trap and revealing her beauty to me as well. She is probably thinking, as she reads this, that my vow to be more productive should get me away from the keyboard and back to finishing the trim around the house.

The other blog inspiration is k@lakly, author of This is not what I had planned. Her blog helped me understand that what has happened to my family, more specifically to my wife and I, has unfortunately made us part of an exclusive community. It isn't something to be desired, being initiated into "the club", but at least knowing that there are people out there who have been through this, people who fully understand, is helpful.

So this is my first step in trying to participate, in some small way, in that community. Of course, this is also self-serving; giving myself some small place to spill my brain and perhaps try to work some things out for myself.

UPDATE: When I started this blog, not very long ago, my original intent was to keep it private; to keep it away from the eyes of those who know me. Then I tweaked that a bit and thought it would be nice to share this with at least some people I know (plus, it's hard to hide hours of typing to your wife). Then through either a side-effect of my Internet clumsiness or an uh-oh on the part of Myspace, I realized that at least for a time my blog link had been very public. This doesnt change anything: I still intend for this blog to be openly personal. That means that yes, I may say things that make you uncomfortable or perhaps even hurt your feelings if you are close to me. Sorry about that, but I am currently under construction and you should watch for debris.
To further update, I finally just posted a damn feed to this blog on my facebook because I'm through keeping separate lives.


I'll leave you with something I know I'll never forget; a surreal moment that might also shed a little light about "the hole", "the club", and "the change" that I've talked about. Thanks for reading, whoever you are, if it's now or later, if you know me or not.



There was a rumble of thunder as she finally said the words we'd stumbled around all evening: "we lost the baby."