put on your sunday bonnet...

So I found myself involved in a discussion of God's existence in, of all places, a pro-wrestling message board. The gentleman posing the question,whom tends to lean toward the inflammatory, wanted to focus on the logical aspects of it all, but it quickly became a theological discussion, amongst other things.

For me, it became an extension of what I'd already been thinking about in terms of my spiritual beliefs (even before Joel, although that has certainly amplified my focus on the topic).

I grew up a Baptist. Although we didn't go to Church on a regular basis (usually just Vacation Bible School in the summers so my parents could have a break) God and Jesus were a pretty regular part of our lives. It was my grandmother on my father's side, a very firm believer in Christ, that first planted the seed of questioning religion. Now let's get this out of the way: when I say religion, I say it in regards to the rules and practices of a faith whereas spirituality/faith/belief refer to the simple belief in God. Many people see those two items as being hand-in-hand, but if they were, why all the different religions? So let's avoid any Holy Wars and state that I don't think any religion is particularly right or wrong...except Scientology. I mean, what the fuck?!

My grandmother pointed out to me, rather early in my life, that "you don't have to put on your Sunday bonnet and head to church every week to be a good Christian". A simple edict, but one that really set the tone for my religious beliefs as years went on. The rules of a church just never seemed to explain things quite the way they meant to, and too often I saw families torn apart over disagreements on those rules. It just never seemed to mesh with Jesus' teachings of love and compassion. My grandmother, however, whom I only saw in church during special occasions, certainly spent her time touching a lot of hearts and showing kindness and compassion to everyone she met, especially the black sheep. Of course, I must note that every evening, round about 6pm, my grandmother would start working on a bottle of vodka (sometimes lightly, sometimes heavily) and grapefruit juice. Me personally, I never found wisdom in vodka, just the contents of my stomach; so I like to think it just made her even more badass. You can draw your own conclusions.

So I decided a few years back that while I follow the teachings of Jesus, I didn't really want to call myself a Christian in the traditional sense. The interpretation just seems to limited. Take Heaven for example. Heaven sounds like a nice vacation resort, but if it's just a nice version of what we have down here, well that's a bit disappointing. I want Heaven to be mind-blowing; something beyond my imagination. I don't like the idea of Heaven being 'somewhere else', especially now. I don't like thinking of my son being somewhere far off. It just doesn't feel natural.

So as I tried to explain my thoughts on God to this message-board fellow, and I was thinking about the idea of God being infinite; having no end, no beginning; all that kind of stuff. You know, all of Existence is in fact God. Certainly if there is a Supreme Being, it would have to be all encompassing, right? Otherwise it has an end and beginning and there must be something it is living within...and then I have an aneurysm. So I take that idea and I start to think of it within the general Christian ideas of God, Heaven and Christ and I ... well, I don't want to say I realized something, because it seems kind of obvious in a way. So I guess it was more that I finally took the time to actually think something that had been in my mind for a while.

Religion is poetry: it is Man's way of putting into words that which he cannot naturally express. Sadly, I feel like I'm insulting poetry. We take our idea that there must be something more out there, and we put it into terms we are comfortable with. I at least feel this way about Christianity and any other religion that has lots and lots of rules (Hello to my Islamic friends...no, really, I have some). Not that rules are bad, but we are confining this vast idea to our own perceptions and feelings. It, again, just doesn't feel natural.

Just to say it: if you're of the mind that The Bible is the absolute 'word of God', well, it could be, sure. but keep in mind that one of the basic ideas is that man is imperfect (we ate fruit; we fell from grace) soooooooooooo if The Bible has been in our hands all this time, could it be that perhaps parts of it have been messed with somewhere along the way? History suggests this could be true (*eep!*)

Of course I am not contesting that the Christian God is not real, nor that Jesus isn't real, it is just that I can't bring myself to believe that things completely work the way our religion(s) defines them. I don't find comfort thinking of my son being somewhere far off in the arms of Jesus (no offense to Jesus. I'm sure he has nice arms). But the idea of just Existence; everything being a part of something...well that gives me comfort, because that feels like my son is still right here with us; a part of me, a part of my wife, a part of Jules too. I like that idea a whole lot better.


If you want to delve into this a bit more, and get some other viewpoints, click here to go to the topic that sparked this for me. I know, it's lame that it was on a wrestling message board, but I've found a lot of good things at this one in particular COUGHwifeCOUGH.

What is it Christians say when they can't answer something? God works in mysterious ways. ;-)